This is a beastly ten-paragraph open letter from Steely Dan to Luke Wilson about a little problem they have. The problem, though, isn’t even with Luke, it’s with his brother Owen and his role in the new movie, "You, Me and Dupree."
Apparently, and I’m sorry Steely Dan, but I wasn’t aware, they have a song about a down and out slacker named Dupree, and they seem to be quite heated that their character has a namesake in a terrible Hollywood movie.
Read past the excerpts from the letter to hear Owen’s response…
Some juicy gems from the letter:
"Hey man - it’s, like, Don and Walt, we’re the guys from Steely Dan, the group, we won those grammies that time, maybe you recall?…
…well, man, something kind of uncool has come to our attention and we’ve got to, like, do something or say something before the scene gets out of our control and something even more uncool happens…
…It’s your little brother Owen C. that’s the problem. We realize what a drag it is for you to have people coming to you about his lameness all the time and we’re really sorry to be doing the same thing…
…But, hey, Luke, man - there is one petite solid you could do for us at this time - do you think you could persuade your bro to do the right thing and come on down to our Concert at Irvine and apologize to our fans for this travesty?…Otherwise, if this business goes unresolved, there are some pretty heavy people who are upset about this whole thing and we can’t guarantee what kind of heat little Owen may be bringing down on himself…
…there can sometimes be some very harsh trips that go down. Your bro may be creating an extremely retrograde reality matrix for himself with his whole sellout moviestar game and there may be some righteous dues to pay, amen…
…For example, there’s this guy who works for us sometimes, he’s not necessarily the kind of folks you want to know or hang with, but if you happen to get in a barfight or some kind of hassle in a foreign country, he’s your best fucking friend in the world…you know what a Navy Seal is, right? Well, this dude’s like that, only he’s Russian…I mean, one time we saw this guy, WITH HIS BARE HANDS, do something so unspeakable that - but, hey man, let’s not even let it get that way, you know?…P.S. Tell Owen to bring his bongos if he wants to sit in -"
Wow. WOW. Steely Dan is gangsta. Hahahaha. I mean, truth be told, I’m no big fan of Owen Wilson either and you’d have to kill me to drag me into "You, Me and Dupree," but seriously, Steely Dan, you ninjas need to get a life. That letter is too hi-larious.
I’m sure that’s what Owen Wilson was thinking when he gave this response:
"I have never heard the song ‘Cousin Dupree’ and I don’t even know who this gentleman, Mr. Steely Dan, is. I hope this helps to clear things up and I can get back to concentrating on my new movie, ‘HEY 19.'"
For all y’all young ninjas, "Hey Nineteen" was another Steely Dan song released in the 70s.
Now, we got mad ninja inductees. Owen Wilson and the fools from Steely Dan!
Steely Dan’s letter from their website
Wootay, I’m tattooed and barred up
Medallion iced up, Rolex bezelled up
And my pinky ring is platinum plus
Earrings be trillion cut
And my grill be slugged up
Revolutionary music video, Musique Non-Stop off of Kraftwerk’s 1986 elektro-pop release, Electric Cafe. Gets pretty tight a minute or so into it.
This goes out to all y’all ninjas on the hustle day in day out while cats walk by left and white with their pretty little white headphones. You have two options:
1) Be ninja-ish and rob them
2) Be even more ninja-ish and cop this shirt
OK, so some famous people are obviously ninjas… Think Bill Clinton or
Wesley Snipes Rick James, bitch.
But the newest trashy gossip says that there may be more than meets the eye with Paris Hilton. I know it’s unbelievable, but reliable sources indicate that Miss Paris may be shedding her "dumb blonde" act in order to show her true skills as an elite hacker.
It’s reported that she "hacked into Lindsay Lohan’s Blackberry and sent offensive messages to her friends from it."
Lohan’s spokeswoman says that whoever did it sent "disgusting and very mean messages that everyone thought were coming from Lindsay. They weren’t. We now have lawyers looking into it. Some people think Paris may have been involved because the wording of the messages sounds very familiar."
(ed: don’t be mistaken, she still gets no respect)
If you can get your hands on them, cop them, but don’t tell my jealous ass.
A Japanese farmer in Kyoto recently harvested a tomato threee times the normal size and… wait for it… with the face of a chinese dragon! Now if that’s not some ninja ish, I don’t know what is.
Says the farmer, who’s been growing tomatoes for 30 years:
The Aquariass, designed by Oliver Beckert, is a fully-functional fishtank mounted on the back of a toilet.