Archive for the ‘real onionz’ Category

Real Onionz : Bernake Edition

LOL. : From the Onion - Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is :


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Posted: August 3rd, 2011
at 2:13pm by mnp

Categories: real onionz

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Real Onionz : Gladiator Died Because of Ref’s Error, Says Archaeologist

A gladiator who fought 1,800 years ago may have died because of a bad call from a ref.

Archaeologists have long puzzled over a line in the epitaph of Diodorus the gladiator’s gravestone. It reads, "After breaking my opponent Demetrius I did not kill him immediately. Fate and the cunning treachery of the summa rudis killed me."

The summa rudis was a referee who oversaw gladiator games. Unlike what we see in the movies, real gladiator fights were highly ritualized and had strict rules. One rule was that if a man pleaded for mercy, it was up to the sponsor of the fight (a local bigwig or even the Emperor) to decide if the defeated gladiator should live or die. Another rule was that if a gladiator fell without being pushed down by his opponent, he was allowed to get up and retrieve his weapons before the match continued.>

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Posted: July 25th, 2011
at 7:26pm by mnp

Categories: real onionz

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Real Onionz: Aussie Lobsters Banned in China

TASMANIA’S $70 million rock lobster industry faces ruin if a Chinese lock-out of Australian lobsters is not resolved quickly, The Mercury reported, as a ban announced yesterday began to bite the industry nationwide. AThe Chinese Government has slapped a ban on Australian imports, but is continuing to take rock lobsters from New Zealand and South Africa. ANo explanation was given as to why only Australian imports were banned, PerthNow reported, as fishermen in Western Australia also reeled at the decision.>

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Posted: December 8th, 2010
at 7:43am by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: grub,real onionz

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Real Onionz: Steve Jobs Isn’t a Ninja?

Apple CEO Steve Jobs has vowed to never come back to Japan after an incident at Kansai International Airport near Osaka, according to a local magazine, SPA!. After going through a security scan on the way home from a July family vacation, Jobs is reported to have been caught with shuriken — Japanese throwing stars — in his carry-on luggage. The executive allegedly protested, saying it wouldn’t make sense for him to hijack his own private plane.

It was at this point that Jobs is claimed to have told airport officials he would never return to Japan. A Kansai spokesman, Takeshi Uno, acknowledges that a passenger with a private jet was stopped at the end of July for carrying shuriken. The passenger threw the weapons away; Uno notes that there are no separate boarding procedures at the airport for people with private jets.>

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Posted: September 14th, 2010
at 4:01pm by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: myninjaplease,weaponry,fo' real?,real life news,"ninja",real onionz

Comments: 2 comments

Real Onionz : Honey Bomb

California airport shut down for hours in false alarm after bottles in a man’s luggage were found to contain honey. It is unclear why bottles tested positive for explosives.

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Posted: January 5th, 2010
at 10:55pm by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: myninjaplease,politricks,weaponry,grub,science,real onionz

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Real Onionz: Denver man seeks support for citywide panel on space aliens

A Denver man who wants the city to be prepared for space aliens is proposing a commission to deal with the matter.

The assistant city attorney says he doesn’t know what officials will ask about Jeff Peckman’s proposal during next week’s "review and comment" meeting.

Peckman says an 18-member commission would form a strategy "dealing with issues related to the presence of extraterrestrial beings on Earth."

The 54-year-old Peckman also needs 4,000 signatures to get his proposal on the November ballot. via ()

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Posted: May 7th, 2008
at 11:43am by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: politricks,science,real onionz

Comments: 1 comment

Real Onionz: Tomato Picking Slavery

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Posted: April 17th, 2008
at 8:00am by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: myninjaplease,life,not ninja-worthy,business,grub,real life news,real onionz

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Real Onionz: Spare Change You Can Believe In


While Democrats increasingly worry about winning ugly, Barack Obama was losing gracefully at a bowling lane in Altoona.

"My economic plan is better than my bowling," Obama told fellow bowlers Saturday.

"It has to be," a man called out.

Obama let everyone know he hadn’t bowled since Jimmy Carter was president — and finished with a score of 37. A perfect game is 300. [LINK]

K… so, confession time.AA I was watching the TODAY Show and that’s where I first heard this.AA But, by now, ya’ll already know about my penchant for "the fake news."AA Ann Curry (sp?) said something about how the dude only bowled a 37 and it was humiliating.

At first I was like, whatever… that’s not sooo humiliating.AA Then I thought about the fact that 8 year old girls routinely (I digress, only 99.9% of the time) bowl better scores than that.AA Needless to say, I’m not impressed.AA The picture itself is also further evidence of previous MNP claims.

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Posted: April 3rd, 2008
at 7:36am by Black Ock

Categories: not ninja-worthy,politricks,real onionz

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Real Onionz: A Russian Muslim Boxer Wins in Chicago

CHICAGO, Nov. 1 a€" Russiaa€™s Islam Timuriev qualified for the 2008 Olympics by beating Michael Hunter 22-15 in their quarter-final bout at the World Boxing Championships on Thursday. Chicago was awarded the boxing championships because the original host Russia failed to meet the international requirements. (AFP)

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Posted: March 31st, 2008
at 9:00am by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: hood status,myninjaplease,too good to be true,games,fo' real?,real life news,9th dan,et cetera,real onionz

Comments: 1 comment

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