Archive for the ‘real life news’ Category

My Ninja, Please! 3.02.11: Fake-A$$ Carnival

I'm pretty sure I've seen this one before, on Encore

A new year show put on by a touring circus in the Belarusian city of Vitebsk was so awful that police were called in, local media report.

Spectators suspected the Russian performers of being drunk as artistes repeatedly fell off bicycles and jugglers dropped their props.

Exotic beasts, including two species apparently plucked from the realms of fantasy, did not show up.

The circus said later the missing animals had been stopped by customs.

The director of Vitebsk’s palace of sport, where the circus was performing, told Belarusian newspaper Komsomolskaya Pravda that the tickets would be refunded.

Igor Kalmuk added that his lawyers were working to recover the money from the circus, which reportedly left Vitebsk soon after being interviewed by police.

A Belarussian police spokesman said an investigation was under way into whether a crime had been committed.

I’ve seen this happen before… except when I called the police on my local UPN channel in 1999 they ended up arresting ME for false police reports. Finally, years later, I feel vindicated. Homeboys in outer space was at least as bad as this carnival.

Local people said a new year spectacular of this magnitude was a rare event for Vitebsk, the city in northern Belarus made famous by artist Marc Chagall.

Posters had promised a show featuring "jugglers and midgets, fantasy heroes and performing animals", put on by the Student Association of Kostroma, a city in central Russia.

Black bears were billed along with performing crocodiles and monkeys and "orcs and turantons". (Check Out the Article from BBC)

Wait a damn second… a spectacle of WHAT magnitude exactly? Any magnitude? I wouldn’t give these people a dime, considering they were obviously dumb enough to believe that there were Orcs and Unicorns and whatnot gonna be at this carnival. First of all, is this or is this not Belarus? Even if Orcs really existed, they’d probably avoid Belarus on account of the (apparent) primitive charm and docile, semi-re-re, population. Anybody living in a place like this should already know, no excuse. There are lost of creatures you won’t find in Belarus, among them, Orcs, Unicorns, Faeries, Black People, Ninjas, Wilderbeasts (although, I’m unclear on that last one, you can take the others to the bank). Continuing…

"When the show started, they had a few poodles and one crocodile, and the artistes kept falling off their bicycles," said Mr Kalmuk.

Angry spectators began demanding their money back during the interval and someone called the police.

A rumour went around that the performers were drunk. "How else can you explain that one fell off their bike three times in two minutes?" one spectator told Komsomolskaya Pravda.

As a result, other performances were cancelled, and circus performers were interrogated and even tested for alcohol. As it turned out, they were sober, Komsomolskaya Pravda wrote on Tuesday.

The administrator of the circus, Yekaterina Kudasheva, was quoted by Mr Kalmuk as saying, variously, that some of the promised animals had "got stuck at customs" or "were outside Moscow".

"Oh… uh, my bad. The Orcs, ya see, they got held up in the TSA nekkid booty scanners and got stuck in a place far away from Middle Earth, known as ‘Outside Moscow.'" MY NINJA, PLEASE. As for the crocodile and the poodles, let it be said that beggars ought not be choosers.


"For 70,000 roubies he eat human child"
"For 70,000 roubies he eat human child"



Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Posted: March 2nd, 2011
at 7:14am by Black Ock

Tagged with , ,

Categories: hood status,myninjaplease,mnp is for the children,real life news

Comments: No comments

Learn that Smell : Scratch n’ Sniff

In a government effort to curb what is perhaps their nation’s best-known vice, Dutch households will soon receive marijuana-scented scratch-and-sniff cards to help them detect illegal urban cannabis plantations in their vicinity, the BBC isAreporting.

According to Rotterdam authorities, over 30,000 cards are being distributed this week to help citizens identify marijuana’s pungent odor. Each of the 8-by-4 inch cards, which bear the slogan "Assist in combatting cannabis plantations," contain two boxes which can be scratched to release the cannabis scent, along with the telephone number of a local police precinct.

"Citizens must be alerted to the dangers they face as a result of these plantations, and if they become aware of any suspect situations, they must report them," Arnie Loos, spokesman for a government-appointed working group on cannabis cultivation, isAquoted by the AFP as saying. "If people do in fact call the number listed on the card, we could make this a national operation.">

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Posted: November 10th, 2010
at 10:53pm by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: drogas,politricks,real life news

Comments: No comments

‘Ninja Group’ Mastermind Faces Death Penalty

Most of the times ninjas that are breaking into homes with nun-chucks and such get caught, fans revel in the fact ‘real’ ninjas are on the loose. But this story of a ‘ninja group’ mastermind who helped orchestrate a botched robbery that ended up with Byrd and Melanie Billings getting murdered as the couple’s nine young disabled children hid nearby is by far the worst case of ninjas at work that these webs have ever seen..>

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Posted: October 26th, 2010
at 4:12pm by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: not ninja-worthy,fo' real?,real life news

Comments: No comments

New York Gubernatorial Race, 2010

This guy is too damn funny… But then on the other hand, what he’s saying is too damn serious.

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Posted: October 19th, 2010
at 7:05pm by Black Ock

Categories: myninjaplease,politricks,real life news

Comments: No comments

Stephen Fry : What I’d Wish I’d Known When I Was 18

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Real Onionz: Steve Jobs Isn’t a Ninja?

Apple CEO Steve Jobs has vowed to never come back to Japan after an incident at Kansai International Airport near Osaka, according to a local magazine, SPA!. After going through a security scan on the way home from a July family vacation, Jobs is reported to have been caught with shuriken — Japanese throwing stars — in his carry-on luggage. The executive allegedly protested, saying it wouldn’t make sense for him to hijack his own private plane.

It was at this point that Jobs is claimed to have told airport officials he would never return to Japan. A Kansai spokesman, Takeshi Uno, acknowledges that a passenger with a private jet was stopped at the end of July for carrying shuriken. The passenger threw the weapons away; Uno notes that there are no separate boarding procedures at the airport for people with private jets.>

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Posted: September 14th, 2010
at 4:01pm by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: myninjaplease,weaponry,fo' real?,real life news,"ninja",real onionz

Comments: 2 comments

Grammar Vigilantes Fined

Misplacing an apostrophe isn’t a federal offense, but fixing one is — at least when it involves a historic sign inside a national landmark. ABenjamin Herson, 28, of Virginia Beach and Jeff Deck, 28, of Somerville, Mass., learned that lesson the hard way. Federal officials in Arizona charged the self-described "grammar vigilantes" with defacing a nearly 70-year-old hand-painted sign in a watchtower along the Grand Canyon’s South Rim. AThe two men, Dartmouth College graduates whose friendship was forged in a creative writing class, pleaded guilty this month to one misdemeanor count of conspiracy to vandalize government property. In their plea, they acknowledged using error-correcting fluid and a marker to conceal a misplaced apostrophe, insert a new one and add a comma. AThey added an apostrophe in "women's" and added a comma in a list, both in the first paragraph of the sign’s text (see large photo). The location of the concealed apostrophe is unclear.>

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Posted: August 14th, 2010
at 8:42pm by Koookiecrumbles

Categories: myninjaplease,crime,mnp is for the children,real life news,"ninja"

Comments: No comments

National Happy-o-Meter a la Twitter

America, are you happy? The emotional words contained in hundreds of millions of messages posted to the Twitter website may hold the answer.

Computer scientist Alan Mislove at Northeastern University in Boston and colleagues have found that these "tweets" suggest that the west coast is happier than the east coast, and across the country happiness peaks each Sunday morning, with a trough on Thursday evenings. The team calls their work the "pulse of the nation".

To glean mood from the 140-character-long messages, the researchers analysed all public tweets posted between September 2006 and August 2009. They filtered them to find tweets that contain words … [READ MORE]


Post to Twitter Post to Facebook

Posted: July 28th, 2010
at 3:08pm by Black Ock

Categories: fo' real?,real life news,boredom killer

Comments: No comments

Information Overload

How to deal with information overload? Consume information consciously, practice attention fitness and breathe.

"As long as the centuries continue to unfold, the number of books will grow continually, and one can predict that a time will come when it will be almost as difficult to learn anything from books as from the direct study of the whole universe. It will be almost as convenient to search for some bit of truth concealed in nature as it will be to find it hidden away in an immense multitude of bound volumes." - Denis Diderot>

Post to Twitter Post to Facebook