Archive for the ‘real life news’ Category

Swedish Hockey and Sex Toys

At about 4:45, the fun begins - with a giant penis and a sign that reads ‘bend of bitch!’ - hilarious.

Supporters of the Stockholm-based AIK ice hockey team scored an unusual hat trick of heckling on Tuesday night featuring dildos, profane banners, and a giant inflatable penis.

The taunts were directed at Jan Huokko, a stocky defenceman with the Leksand hockey club in Sweden’s second-tier professional hockey league, and a former player with AIK.

Ahead of Tuesday’s match against Leksand, the website for AIK’s unofficial supporter group had instructed fans to bring dildos to the match to remind Huokko of the sex scandal which plagued him earlier in the year, according to the Expressen newspaper.

Yes, this ninja here is shoveling dildos and vibrators off the ice…

.:more -> via Yahoo News

Wet Kitties

um…I’m going to let you ninjas say what you will - if I write anything about this, it’s just going to get ignorant in here…

.:Swimming with Tigers ->

Colin Update

Not that kind of colon, you sick… We’re not really trying to become a video blog or anything - but these are serious times.

Colin Powell Endorses Obama

Original caption reads: "...and I don't even consider myself to be a ninja..."

Who woulda thunk it? (except all the people who said it was going to happen yesterday)

The best thing about this is that it’s real news, we’re not even making it up.

Annnnnd that’s a wrap folks.

*wrap it up music*

.::Read it all -> at CNN

Festival GastronAAmica del Gato

ANIMAL rights groups are up in arms over an annual festival in Peru that serves up hundreds of fried CATS to locals.

The ‘Gastronomical Festival of the Cat’ a€" dubbed the ‘Massacre of the Moggies’ a€" sees townsfolk in Canete, near Lima, feast on the fluffy pets for two days.

They believe that eating cat burgers a€" and fried cat legs and tails a€" can cure bronchial disease.

It is also believed that feline meat serves as an aphrodisiac.

The cats are bred especially for this festival a€" which takes place at the end of September on the Day of Santa Ifigenia.

But it has generated fury among animal rights groups.

A PETA spokesman said: "a€oeIf Peruvians really eat poor old Moggy because they think his meat cures bronchitis, thata€™s about as bizarre as it gets, although remember that Asians eat monkey bits thinking that will cure their impotence and even Europeans butcher poor old Bessie the cow or Henny Penny the hen, because they see them as nothing more than a bit of nourishment.

a€oeHaving toured slaughterhouses for dogs in Taiwan, horses in Texas, and chickens and cows in Europe, PETAa€™s staff says the last thing we need to do is add yet another poor animal to the list of those being frightened and slaughtered for a taste.a€A

.::From The SunAA

{Insert pun here}

You’re Still an A$$hole

I’ve been noticing more and more ads recently for the new Cadillac Escalde Hybrid [feels dirty to say/type it], and I just wanted to take a quick second here to shout out all you Escalade buyers out there: You still suck. Buying an Escalade because it has Hybrid decals on it makes you about as cool as VD.

But wait, you heard it’s 50% more fuel efficient [city driving]? True! That gets you a whopping 20 mpg! Now we won’t have to drill offshore and in wildlife refuges! Yay! You’re really doing your part.

So to you Escalade drivers, I say this:

[Soccer Moms] - You’re not protecting your children by buying huge SUVs, you’re simply endangering the rest of us. Please, cut the crap.

[Hood Ninjas] - Real gangsters are all about that paper paper peoples - save some money on gas by buying a Prius. Plus, there’s this:

Taxes: Up or Down?

Well, my ninjas, we here at MNP know how hard it is to sort thru all the bullshit during an election year. It’s a politrickcians nature to lie - so how can you know when you’re not being hoodwinked? Well, how about some simple math? Sounds fair, right? With that in mind, check out ObamaTaxCut.com, where you can answer a few simple questions to see how much you’ll pay/save under a President Obama vs a McCain. Judge their proposals for yourself.

.:ObamaTaxCut.com -> via Alchemy Today

Drill, Idiot, Drill

Imagine for a minute that attending the Republican convention in St. Paul, sitting in a skybox overlooking the convention floor, were observers from Russia, Iran and Venezuela. And imagine for a minute what these observers would have been doing when Rudy Giuliani led the delegates in a chant of a€oedrill, baby, drill!a€A

Ia€™ll tell you what they would have been doing: the Russian, Iranian and Venezuelan observers would have been up out of their seats, exchanging high-fives and joining in the chant louder than anyone in the hall a€" a€oeYes! Yes! Drill, America, drill!a€A a€" because an America that is focused first and foremost on drilling for oil is an America more focused on feeding its oil habit than kicking it.

Why would Republicans, the party of business, want to focus our country on breathing life into a 19th-century technology a€" fossil fuels a€" rather than giving birth to a 21st-century technology a€" renewable energy? As I have argued before, it reminds me of someone who, on the eve of the I.T. revolution a€" on the eve of PCs and the Internet a€" is pounding the table for America to make more I.B.M. typewriters and carbon paper. a€oeTypewriters, baby, typewriters.a€A

.:T. Friedman’s op-ed Making America Stupid -> via the NY Times

Cell Phone Anointing

Look, we here at MNP aren’t really trying to question people’s individual faith - but it involves Sarah Palin, GOP VP candidate, and I therefore feel that it’s fair game. So, God has chosen Alaska in particular to spread he message of Jesus to the world? And you can do it through a cell-phone? Really?

Which book of the bible is all this in? I must have missed it…

Regardless - my point here is that Sarah Palin is a religious fundamentalist, and should NOT be allowed to hold a high office in the United States government. Her being Christian [rather than everyone’s favorite scapegoat, Muslim] doesn’t make her less dangerous - it means she’ll attack our beliefs in science and freedom of speech [I’m sorry, but trying to ban books is Hitler-ish - not succeeding doesn’t get you off the hook]. And for all of you trying to take the high road, know this: fundamentalists CAN NOT distinguish between their religion and secular life. Her beliefs, and those of her church, will come into play.

I was only sort-of worried about McCain - but this shit right here is feckin’ frightening. We need to accept that McCain could kick-off at any point after being elected - and if he does, this woman will be running the show. Remember those red-phone, 3 AM ads from the Democratic primary? Well can we trust Palin not to use that phone to anoint citizens while rolling on the floor, speaking in tongues?