McDashing

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You european ninjas, man, I love you. The McD’ses in Europe just rolled out their new designer food service wardrobe in an attempt to ninjafy the appeal of a McJob.

Bruce Oldfield told the BBC that one of his earlier designs for the McDonald’s uniform had to be withdrawn after trials. “We found that there was one design of shirt that chafed. We had to get rid of it because we didn’t want our boys’ or girls’ nipples chafed,” he said.

Fantastic.

Clinton Takes PA

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No surprise here, ninjas. Hillary Clinton can chalk one up in the W column tonight, winning the Pennsylvania primary by  a projected 8 points with 30% more precincts to report in. Let’s just hope she doesn’t let it go to her head … haaaaaaaa. I’m so sad.

This is Pennsylvania, folks. Barack Obama was never supposed to be close in this one, and Clinton is already trying to spin the victory as people being unsure about the viable nature of his candidacy. Apparently she forgot that she was supposed to have this in the bag back on or before Super Tuesday. And she would have gotten away with it, too. If it weren’t for those damned free thinkers and their ideals …

It is nice to see that the major media outlets are largely saying that this victory is merely allowing her campaign to continue to exist, rather than giving her any sort of boost she shouldn’t receive.

Just Too Good

In the unexcused absence of the lack of material over here at the politricks site I hope some of you ninjas keeping up to date with some national ‘tics over at Talking Points Memo. Today’s episode of TPMtv beautiful summarizes the recent escapades of Bruce Barclay, Cumberland County of Pennsylvania’s Republican Commissioner:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KoPDSgtT14&eurl=http://talkingpointsmemo.com/[/youtube]

Obliteration!

Hillary Clinton forgot one important factor to consider when she said that she would retaliate on Israel’s behalf should Iran attack them with nuclear weapons: ISRAEL IS A NUCLEAR POWER! They have nukes to take care of themselves. And you better believe they have some sort of First-Strike retaliatory plan.

I wonder what our Pennsylavia ninjas are thinking today when they sneak into the booths… Check back for the results tonight.

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Earth Day Competition: 350 is the New Green

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Our sister site GreenMNP – run by our ninja Jessie – has announced an MNP design competition to design a postcard for 350.org’s 350 Postcard Project.

350 is the new green is the new black is the new new. 350 is the number that scientists have determined will define the future of the Earth. 350 parts per million is the critical atmospheric CO2 concentration we need to achieve, and with haste. Currently, we are at 385 ppm. Bill McKibben and 350.org have started an international campaign to create awareness about 350 and to get people active in making it happen.

We at GreenMNP want to get active. And we want YOU to help! So, herein lies a challenge: design a dope 350 postcard for 350.org’s 350 Postcard Project and submit a photo/PDF of your postcard to green.suggest@myninjaplease.com. We will pick a winner 35.0 days from now, on Tuesday, May 27. Winner will receive their choice of these three books: a signed copy of The Bill McKibben Reader, Green Roof – A Case Study by Christian Werthmann, and Shopping Our Way to Safety by Andrew Szasz, not to mention supreme ninja credibility. First runner up will get their choice of the remaining two books and second runner up will get the third book. Furthermore, we at GreenMNP will distribute copies of all the 350 postcard entries we receive to 350 important politicians/organizations/thinkers/Earth lovers/Earth haters and anyone else you want. If you can think of someone in particular you would like us to send a postcard to, comment to this post with their name and postal and/or email address (if you don’t know their address, we’ll do our best to find them…ninjas are fairly resourceful).

The postcard should be an expression of YOU, why you love the planet and why you want to see our atmospheric CO2 concentration drop down to 350 ppm. A word from the 350ers themselves:

In words, collages, drawings, or any other form on the back of these postcards, we want to hear from people all around the world why it’s worth it for you, your community, and the rest of the world to aim for 350 parts per million.

Of course, you should submit your entries to 350.org as well. Or, if you prefer, we will submit your entry to them anyway.

Mail a scanned image or photo to postcards@350.org or attach a stamp and drop it in the mail to our San Francisco office at 1370 Mission St., San Francisco, CA 94103.

If you are from another land, fear not: 350 is the same in every language, and words are easily translated 简体中文 Deutsch Español Français Hrvatski Italiano 한국어 Português Svenska 日本語 العربية

So, get to work on your very own postcard design and send it over toe green.suggest@myninjaplease.com – and while you’re looking for ideas, check out MNP’s Earth Day coverage going down on all the sites [you can navigate all the different MNP sites by clicking the links in the upper right of each page].

At Long Last

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[Apparently these guys do a piss poor job, eh? What's this "global warming" all about, then? I sort of want them all to be like the dude from Ghostbusters]

April 22, finally. A shuriken for the ninja who can tell me when the last primary or caucus was . . . What? Mississippi on March 11? Damn. That’s right, ninjies, tomorrow is the big Pennsylvania primary. Barack Obama has steadily narrowed the divide in the polls there over the last few weeks to just a single digit margin. Ninjas suspect that Hillary will win by 6-9 points. This whole process is really brutal.
Also, my ninjas, Earth Day is upon us. Us ninjas in the dojo really dig mother nature. She’s fly. Nice and round … You should bounce around the site here and check out the celebration at every page: the green site, the music site, the architecture site, our resident robot ninja, and of course, www.myninjaplease.com. In honor of Mother Earth’s Day [and our forefathers] here are some figures that give you a sense of our great United States’ contributions to 21st century global condition:

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Just some things for you ninjas to consider while you go along living your lives here in the States, and everywhere else around this small, small world.

Check back at the end of the day for the results from today’s Pennsylvania race.

MNP Reports 4/21/08

Here’s a transcript from our ninja down in Philly. She’s currently working to obtain the coveted status of MNP’s first dedicated on-the-scene correspondent.

Laura G. is a body double by day and ninja by night. When not teaching the youth about today’s mathematics she volunteers part-time at Obama’s Philadelphia campaign.

Here’s her short-but-necessary take on what is happening, posted without graphic interruption.

This is an exciting time to be in Philadelphia. Political signs, pins, and t-shirts are infiltrating the streets and people are talking. They are talking a lot. This morning, on my five-minute walk from the train to work, I heard at least three conversations about what was going to happen tomorrow. A woman shouted to a man wearing an Obama hat, “I mean, I respect guy, but he ain’t got a chance of winning.” The man with the hat gave a smirk and continued on, explaining to his friend that Obama understands the larger picture because his heritage embodies the larger picture, that he gets how to deal with a variety of people because he grew up around a diverse group of people. For this reason, he believes in the man. He believes the man will really change the country.

I am not a political person. It is hard for me choose sides, to stand for something, to pick someone based on what say to get votes. I am never quite certain I “know” enough to really choose. And choosing between Hillary and Obama was especially hard because ultimately I wanted to be able to support either of them in November. But for some reason I wanted to be a part of this election. So I did my research. I picked my person and I became an intern in the Obama office two weeks ago. Not because I am necessarily “against” Hilary but because I am “for” Obama.

Three days ago, I walked through the city, all the way down to Independence Hall where the Obama rally was being held. I began my journey at the city center, where Hillary supporters were holding up “Honk for Hillary” signs and screaming at passing cars. There were about ten people total and they had all lost their voices. Cars were honking, people were cheering and there was a general sense of urgency amongst the crowd. As I continued down to Independence Hall, the clash began to happen–a clash that exist in every pocket of the city right now, a clash that both terrifies me and brings me energy. People with Hillary pins bumping against people with Obama t-shirts, and people with Hillary hats passing people Mamas For Obama stickers; the division is so stark and so charged. Soon, it became Obama territory and the crowd was full of an energy that I have never experienced. It is this abstract “hope” that people keep on talking about but there really is no other word for what I think (and I only know from the one side) that people are experiencing. It’s why there were 35,000 people out of their homes, waiting for over five hours to see Obama at a last minute rally and why a lady in her seventies, covered in Obama paraphernalia, used all the voice she had left to tell people where to get their red and/or blue tickets. And this hope—this overwhelming support for a candidate no one thought would get very far–is, in my opinion, slightly scary. It is scary because it is so easily felt, so accessible, so tangible and if it goes away tomorrow, next week, next month, or even in November, the loss will feel as tangible and it will feel huge. I worry about that.

Today, one day before the election, I sit with seven other people on the “New Media” team and blast myspace messages about getting out the vote. In the next room over, volunteers are screaming, every hour on the hour, “Fired up and Ready to go!” The office is disgusting at this point, empty Starbucks cups and Qdoba wrappers are falling out of the trashcans and fluorescent lights make it look that much worse. But people are ready for something to happen, ready to work all night and keep the vote close because they have to. Because if they don’t, they and everyone else they’ve convinced, might just deflate, might just fall apart. It’s an exciting time to be in Philadelphia.

Bitterness: The Psychic Translation

It is entirely fair in the political process to use a candidate’s poor wording against them. Obama is a big boy, in the big game and has to endure what every other politician in history has had to: putting his foot in his mouth. But, not necessarily defending Obama’s remarks, there is a lot of hypocrisy stemming from long term “elitists” like the Clintons even using the “E” word. It’s laughable and there is a certain “elitist” quality in assuming you can reinvent yourself and your convictions weekly, applying selective outrage to fit your clothing, and get away with it.

Also, some in journalistic circles are running amok with accusations of elitism, while assuming that “since they grew up in a small town”, they know best what rural America feels (isn’t that the same fatal “elitist” error Obama made?). I grew up in a small town too, but I dare say one can’t categorize everyone as happy and content anymore than they can classify them as “bitter”. Plus, such bitterness is not confined to the rural towns even though they feel the effects of economic downturns most acutely. No matter where you reside, if you lose your job, your home and your pension and still insist there is no bitterness about it, you’re on the GOOD meds. Some in the media and politics obviously are not affected by many of the tragedies that make people bitter, rural and urban. So who is REALLY out of touch?

With politicians misspeaking almost daily now, there obviously is a need for translations of what they say versus what they mean. Translating vague, obtuse statements into regional vernaculars that can be easily understood by people in “small, rural areas” as well as urban regions is a service that is long overdue. But, as we’ve seen, “words” are tough for narrowing down meaning. Therefore, a “psychic translation” might provide more understanding of what a person is actually thinking.  A translation of Hillary Clinton’s most recent ad goes as follows:
One woman in the ad says: “I was very insulted by Barack Obama”.
TRANSLATION: “I even take mouthwash commercials personally.”
Another woman,says: “I’m not clinging to my faith out of frustration and bitterness. I find that my faith is very uplifting.”
TRANSLATION: “The fact that I use the word ‘cling’ rather than ‘practice’ shows a certain amount of insecurity and a fear of abandonment.”
Another male voter follows: “The good people of Pennsylvania deserve a lot better than what Barack Obama said.”
TRANSLATION: “We deserved better than “Mission Accomplished, too, but we got over that.”
Another woman says: “Hillary does understand the citizens of Pennsylvania better.”
TRANSLATION: ‘That regional gadfly has to have picked up something after moving from Arkansas to Washington D.C. then New York.”
Another woman says: “Hillary Clinton has been fighting for people like us her whole life”.
TRANSLATION: “If you had $108 million, Hillary would fight for you too.”
But Hillary cuts to the chase: “I don’t think he really gets it that people are looking for a president who stands up for you and not looks down on you.”

TRANSLATION: “Hey, I can see the White House from up here.”
 

A translation of Obama is even more insightful:
“It’s not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them, or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment, as a way to explain their frustrations.”
TRANSLATION: “People have different coping mechanisms when faced with adverse situations and stress. Mine is called Harpy Baiting.”
“I have tried to figure out how to show restraint and make sure that, during this primary contest, we’re not damaging each other so badly that it’s hard for us to run in November.“
TRANSLATION: “My legs…I can’t feel my legs!”
“Obviously, it’s a little easier for me to say that, since, you know, I lead in delegates and states and popular vote. Senator Clinton may not feel that she can afford to be so constrained”.
TRANSLATION: “INCOMING!!”
“I may have made a mistake last week in the words that I chose, but the other party has made a much more damaging mistake in the failed policies they’ve chosen and the bankrupt philosophy that they’ve embraced for the last three decades.”
TRANSLATION: “The GOP has Bushwacked ya’ll!”
 

And last but not least…uh…OK, last AND least, Senator McCain:
“I think it’s pretty important. And the fact that he continues to say that he does not apologize for those remarks, I think indicates a certain out-of-touch elitism.”
TRANSLATION: “As my record shows, I never apologize, but I’ll change positions faster than a Dutch prostitute.”
“I think anybody who disparages anyone who is hardworking, the dedicated people who cherish the right to hunt and observe their values and the culture … and say that’s because they are unhappy with their economic conditions, I think that’s a fundamental contradiction to what I think America is.”
TRANSLATION: “Zzzzzzzzzzz….huh…what…oh, yeah, Iran is stirring up trouble in Basra with the Sunni, I mean…the Shia….whoever the hell lives there! What?  Quit elbowing me, Liebermann…Um…GOOOOOOOOOAAAL!”
 ”These are people who produced the generation that made the world safe for democracy. I think his remarks may be defining.”
TRANSLATION: “ Zzzzzzzzzz…….Hey, ain’t all the people who produced the people who fought WWII DEAD by now?”
“We have an unemployment insurance program straight out of the 1950s. It was designed to assist workers through a few tough months during an economic downturn until their old jobs came back. That program has no relevance to the world we live in today,”
TRANSLATION: ‘I AM awake, goddammit! Plus, I’m straight out of the 30’s, so what does that say about MY relevance?”
 

OK, the device obviously needs more work. Right now, it’s only picking up what I’m thinking….
 

[Op-Ed by Jill The Shill]