Al Qaeda Claims Cucumbers Un-Ladylike

Besides the terrible killings inflicted by the fanatics on those who refuse to pledge allegiance to them, Al-Qa’eda has lost credibility for enforcing a series of rules imposing their way of thought on the most mundane aspects of everyday life.

They include a ban on women buying suggestively-shaped vegetables, according to one tribal leader in the western province of Anbar.

Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: “They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram.

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I kinda feel them, though. I mean… I’ve seen a few of the wrong girls pick up a few of the wrong vegetables and thought about implementing my own fundamentalist beliefs. Seriously though, I’m not sure how to take this report. If it’s serious then it ranks among the top ten goofiest reasons why the global Jihad will fail. If it’s not serious… then it’s in extremely poor taste… and puts a whole new spin on gazpacho.

Missing Americans

We’re out there. Walking among you. All around the world. We look just like anyone else. But we’re the lucky ones. We’ve got the golden tickets. Come November, we get to vote for president of the United States.

Ruby Wax: Lost American, found in London

An estimated six million Americans live overseas. We’re teachers and aid workers; bankers and businesspeople; students, soldiers and CEOs. We’re George Clooney on the shores of Lake Como and Ruby Wax on the streets of Notting Hill.

But here’s the catch. It’s kind of complicated to vote from abroad…

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We’re getting close to that time ninjas. We know you ninjas abroad read our blog, study up!