Bitterness: The Psychic Translation

It is entirely fair in the political process to use a candidate’s poor wording against them. Obama is a big boy, in the big game and has to endure what every other politician in history has had to: putting his foot in his mouth. But, not necessarily defending Obama’s remarks, there is a lot of hypocrisy stemming from long term “elitists” like the Clintons even using the “E” word. It’s laughable and there is a certain “elitist” quality in assuming you can reinvent yourself and your convictions weekly, applying selective outrage to fit your clothing, and get away with it.

Also, some in journalistic circles are running amok with accusations of elitism, while assuming that “since they grew up in a small town”, they know best what rural America feels (isn’t that the same fatal “elitist” error Obama made?). I grew up in a small town too, but I dare say one can’t categorize everyone as happy and content anymore than they can classify them as “bitter”. Plus, such bitterness is not confined to the rural towns even though they feel the effects of economic downturns most acutely. No matter where you reside, if you lose your job, your home and your pension and still insist there is no bitterness about it, you’re on the GOOD meds. Some in the media and politics obviously are not affected by many of the tragedies that make people bitter, rural and urban. So who is REALLY out of touch?

With politicians misspeaking almost daily now, there obviously is a need for translations of what they say versus what they mean. Translating vague, obtuse statements into regional vernaculars that can be easily understood by people in “small, rural areas” as well as urban regions is a service that is long overdue. But, as we’ve seen, “words” are tough for narrowing down meaning. Therefore, a “psychic translation” might provide more understanding of what a person is actually thinking.  A translation of Hillary Clinton’s most recent ad goes as follows:
One woman in the ad says: “I was very insulted by Barack Obama”.
TRANSLATION: “I even take mouthwash commercials personally.”
Another woman,says: “I’m not clinging to my faith out of frustration and bitterness. I find that my faith is very uplifting.”
TRANSLATION: “The fact that I use the word ‘cling’ rather than ‘practice’ shows a certain amount of insecurity and a fear of abandonment.”
Another male voter follows: “The good people of Pennsylvania deserve a lot better than what Barack Obama said.”
TRANSLATION: “We deserved better than “Mission Accomplished, too, but we got over that.”
Another woman says: “Hillary does understand the citizens of Pennsylvania better.”
TRANSLATION: ‘That regional gadfly has to have picked up something after moving from Arkansas to Washington D.C. then New York.”
Another woman says: “Hillary Clinton has been fighting for people like us her whole life”.
TRANSLATION: “If you had $108 million, Hillary would fight for you too.”
But Hillary cuts to the chase: “I don’t think he really gets it that people are looking for a president who stands up for you and not looks down on you.”

TRANSLATION: “Hey, I can see the White House from up here.”
 

A translation of Obama is even more insightful:
“It’s not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them, or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment, as a way to explain their frustrations.”
TRANSLATION: “People have different coping mechanisms when faced with adverse situations and stress. Mine is called Harpy Baiting.”
“I have tried to figure out how to show restraint and make sure that, during this primary contest, we’re not damaging each other so badly that it’s hard for us to run in November.“
TRANSLATION: “My legs…I can’t feel my legs!”
“Obviously, it’s a little easier for me to say that, since, you know, I lead in delegates and states and popular vote. Senator Clinton may not feel that she can afford to be so constrained”.
TRANSLATION: “INCOMING!!”
“I may have made a mistake last week in the words that I chose, but the other party has made a much more damaging mistake in the failed policies they’ve chosen and the bankrupt philosophy that they’ve embraced for the last three decades.”
TRANSLATION: “The GOP has Bushwacked ya’ll!”
 

And last but not least…uh…OK, last AND least, Senator McCain:
“I think it’s pretty important. And the fact that he continues to say that he does not apologize for those remarks, I think indicates a certain out-of-touch elitism.”
TRANSLATION: “As my record shows, I never apologize, but I’ll change positions faster than a Dutch prostitute.”
“I think anybody who disparages anyone who is hardworking, the dedicated people who cherish the right to hunt and observe their values and the culture … and say that’s because they are unhappy with their economic conditions, I think that’s a fundamental contradiction to what I think America is.”
TRANSLATION: “Zzzzzzzzzzz….huh…what…oh, yeah, Iran is stirring up trouble in Basra with the Sunni, I mean…the Shia….whoever the hell lives there! What?  Quit elbowing me, Liebermann…Um…GOOOOOOOOOAAAL!”
 ”These are people who produced the generation that made the world safe for democracy. I think his remarks may be defining.”
TRANSLATION: “ Zzzzzzzzzz…….Hey, ain’t all the people who produced the people who fought WWII DEAD by now?”
“We have an unemployment insurance program straight out of the 1950s. It was designed to assist workers through a few tough months during an economic downturn until their old jobs came back. That program has no relevance to the world we live in today,”
TRANSLATION: ‘I AM awake, goddammit! Plus, I’m straight out of the 30’s, so what does that say about MY relevance?”
 

OK, the device obviously needs more work. Right now, it’s only picking up what I’m thinking….
 

[Op-Ed by Jill The Shill]

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