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Robot Ninja


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07
May

Chr0n0tr0n - Intro to quantum temporal manipulation

Friends, robots, country-ninjas

For too long the realm of time traveling robots has been left to your Terminators, your Futuramas and occasionally your Time-cops.  Now, in the year of our robot-lord, 2008, you too can experience the various paradoxes (paradoxi?) that robots and robotninjas alike have to face in our day-to-day lives/functions, thanks to the efforts of the good people over at Kongregate games.

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I personally use my time-travelling duplicates to intern around the robotninja office.  Though sometimes our ego’s clash, we respect one another enough to get work done.  Whenever problems arise, however, I am quick to dole out severe, crippling punishment to myselves, my superior orignal mind/body pit against itself in a feat of dualistic spectacle.  Fighting against and defeating myself isn’t ever easy, but if anyone can do it, it’s me.

 

And that’s where this game Chronotron can’t handle the reality of time-traveling ninjabots–in real life, I can simply slaughter any time-paradox creating ninja-droids at my leisure.  In this simplified version of a multi-dimensional, quantum-state fluctuating robot’s life, one is bound by the actions/inactions of your past selves.  This disgusts my robotninja sensibilities, but then again, so does nearly all of the works of man and beast.  I therefore advise that you take my opinion of this single shortcoming of what is otherwise a fun and clever puzzle-game with a grain of the finest sand.  Any of my other opinions taken so lightly, however, will result in the instantaneous and total annihilation of your dojo/laboratory.

ninja Robot, concern no is Time

25
Apr

Detroit Symphony Conductron

In a landmark event for all robot-kind, the Detroit symphony orchestra will be conducted by a soulless, artificial man-bot, powered in part by the dreams of various foppish, 17th century classical composers.  This will be the first time in history that a robot will tell people what to do, as opposed to the other way around (although technically, it’s also programmed by people).  Kind of an empty gesture to me, but to the Japanese, probably one so full of metaphorical weight and majesty that I refuse to get into right now.

 

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The Robotninja weeps acid tears

22
Apr

Celemony multi note pitch correction

Oh my robot jesus,

The madmen at Celemony have brought the state of digital audio manipulation to a new frontier–pitch correction within complex harmonic instruments like guitars and pianos. For the last few years, lesser vocal ninja-musicians have been able to supplement their lack of skill and grace with digital manipulation. These effects can be heard in anything by robot singer T-pain or Cher’s “life after love”. Now the recordings of the amateur can be re-tooled towards perfect correctitude, the notes refined by some monstrous computational beast.

The Robotninja cringes at the music of tommorrow.

22
Apr

R0b0tninja celebrates your so-called Earth

In respect of your terrestrial “earth day”, I submit this picture typifying my everyday perspective of your “planet”. I tend to stay about this high, while dealing in the dirt that I be doing in my dealings. Bear witness to the majesty that I might grant the slightest glance in the course of my hectic, ninja-robot day.

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21
Apr

Dub Fundamentals

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From the Ninjas over at Ueberschall

Cometh the fundamental dub library for all to enjoy and destroy. I have no doubts that while this sample library offers “authentic” dub sounds, motifs and effects, it will inevitably be twisted in the scurvy ridden hands of the pirate-elite, the controllers of the world bank and the svengali of the Illuminati. From the site:

Reggae Fundamentals is a specialized sample compilation which includes 33 construction kits and 12 Drumkits sheltered in 2 GB of ready to work content offering authoritative most current Reggae environments. The kits are jam packed with everything you need to give your production the finishing touch: bass-, synth-, drum- and padlines also vocals, FX and atmospheres.

I dunno–I feel like dub is such a sample-reliant form that any ninja with a dub collection (which is to say, any ninja) could produce similar results in his modest, ninja laboratory (or ninjatory, if you will).

Robotninja dubulations soothe the savage beast

20
Apr

Ten0ri 0n!

My ninjams and ninjammys

Little did you know that Yamaha came to NYC this past week, showing off their fantastic product Tenori on.  For the uninitiated, Tenori on is a visual midi sequencer, with built in drum sounds and synth hits, allowing the user to manipulate music in a logical, visual touch interface.  I salivate with the knowledge of its hidden potentials…

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As it was foretold in the book of life, whence the Robotninja dual-wields next-gen midi interfaces, the seventh seal of heaven shalt be broken, crumbling the kingdoms of man before him.

31
Mar

Blue Brain Project: IBM’s answer to the Matrix

That’s right, dear r0b0tninjamen,
In 2005, the powers that be over at IBM and EPFL launched an amusingly ambitious plan to bring artificial awareness a step up to rat-brain levels. Three years hence, I find that they have finally achieved the “impressive” and “groundbreaking” milestone of programming the full 30 million neurons composing a rat brain into simulated form.

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Naturally, as an advanced r0b0tninja intelligence, I laugh the raspy, good-natured chuckle of the wisened elder as I behold these fledgling attempts at synthetic awareness. In 10 years, Moore’s laws of computational power will allow them to finally simulate a being capable of taking its own existence for granted–an important achievement, at least by god’s standards of man. From an article at robots.net:

“The project was widely criticized as “ridiculous”. With the recent successful conclusion of the project’s first phase, critics who claimed the project was “bound to fail” have been effectively proven wrong. The current system accurately reproduces the neocortical column of a two-week old rat, composed of 10,000 neurons with 30 types of ion channels and 30 million interconnections. Surprisingly, at least to the critics, the computational structure does what the biological structure does even at the level of individual neurons”

Fascinating to some,

mundane to the ninjabiotic

12
Mar

Korg: Singularity in the DS

Esteemed ninjamen,
In keeping with my love of dual-screen nintendo goodness, I would bring your attention to Korg’s upcoming DS title DS-10, a real-life music synthesizer and production tool. Now, the dedicated robotninja reader might say, “wait a minutaster ninja: didn’t you once poo-poo portable videogames focused on music production as offensive to your countenance?”
To this fictionalized reader, I would retort that unlike lesser music production software for your PSP’s and such, DS-10 is designed to be used by seasoned, pro-level users, without the silly accessible traits found in Traxxpad and the like. Instead, it is a dual-oscillator synth with a sixteen step sequencer, for drum sounds and synth patterns. All content is user generated, and is therefore up to par with my unreasonably high robotninja standards. Some of the features include:

+Two patchable dual-oscillator analog synth simulators
+Four-part drum machine that uses sounds created with the analog synth simulator
+Six-track (analog synth x 2, drum machine x 4) /16-step sequencer
+Delay, chorus, and flanger sound effects available from the mixing board
+Three note-entry modes: touch-control screen, keyboard screen, matrix screen
+Real-time sound control mode via touch-control screen
+Exchange sounds and songs and play multiple units simultaneously through a wireless communications link
It’s enough to get any DS nerd/audio enthusiast to drooling–if only it came out before July…

The Robotninja salivates with anticipatory liquid

10
Feb

Elektro-Plankton

power the R0b0tninjas ecosystem. I’m a big DS nerd, and I like this musical performance video game. Much like dubselector, the purpose of the game is simply to make music. The rules are simple for each mini-game, using a variety of touch-screen soft-interfaces. Makes for gooooood samplin…

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Sincerely,
Robotninja, master of life and death.
06
Feb

Reel shit

Ebay is the true R0b0tninja’s secret weapon. For 10 dorra, I procured a stack of 7 inch reels of random classical musics. The akai reel-to-reel deck that I gots makes the sound real warm. Peep the new shit by the good people over at R0b0tr0n and the sample page for some of its ancient goodness.

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the R0b0tninja constructs magnetic tape bombs for that ass.
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Beats from the Corporate Beast!

27/10/07 0 comments
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DubR0b0t

17/10/07 0 comments
"> R0b0tic dubs for the masses: giving form to the formless, light to the dark, knowledge to the ignorant, strength to the weary, blessing to the cursed. image1.jpeg

R0b0tNinja 0utpost

15/10/07 0 comments
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