Category Archives: fo’ real?

Sarah Palin’s Weird-ass Church

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OK, ninjas. I have an announcement to make. It’s not cool to be making fun of peoples’ religions and stuff. It’s not because I respect religion, or some high-falutin’ nonsense, but rather because they’re basically all the same, for one. Moreover, you know people get extra sensitive when you talk about their chosen deity, so it’s just best to let sleeping dogs lie. So, as you read forward into this next article let me also remind you that while this is weird… it’s less weird than some of ya’lls crochety-ass churches. And that’s my word, as a ninja AND as a scholar.

Ok now read this complete strange-ness and try not to fall out of your chair:

Mike Rose is the senior pastor of Juneau Christian Church, where Governor Sarah Palin attends when in residence in Juneau. The Alaska Update of the Alaska Assemblies of God featured a story on Palin’s attendance at the 2008 Alaska District Council and stated that “Superintendent Ted Boatsman, who was Palin’s junior high pastor at Wasilla Assembly of God, along with Pastor Mike Rose of Juneau Christian Center, where Palin presently attends church when in Juneau, laid hands on the Governor and led the Council in Prayer.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_CkZWTvKBc[/youtube]

Rose is well known as far away as Australia for his participation in the “new wave” of the Holy Spirit. Former General Superintendent of the Assemblies of God in Australia, Dr. Andrew Evans, has also been a supporter of the “new wave” and its manifestations which he lists as falling, shaking and drunkenness (in the Spirit),and uncontrollable weeping and laughing. (He has been a controversial figure for his belief that these manifestations would aid in church growth in his denomination in Australia although these activities have been repeatedly denounced as Deviant Behavior by the U.S. General Council.) Evans writes about Rose’s ability to manage these manifestations in his church without excessive disruption of services. He also notes that Rose had been an advisor to Rodney Howard-Browne’s Revival Ministries committee and had “sat in over 110 of Rodney’s meetings.” Andrew Evans went on to found the Family First Party of Australia.

Rodney Howard-Browne is one of the most controversial and publicized figures of the Third Wave movement. While many of the leaders have been almost invisible in the mainstream media, Howard-Browne and his Holy Laughter anointing have been covered by CNN , Time, Newsweek, PBS, and numerous British media outlets. Howard-Browne refers to himself in many of these articles as the “Holy Ghost bartender.”

He is also one of the most controversial figures in the Evangelical world and is the subject of many hundreds of internet pages from other Evangelical and Fundamentalists discernment groups who view his unusual revival manifestations such as uncontrollable laughter, weeping, shrieking, and animal noises, as cultic. Other conservative Christians also find fault with Howard-Browne’s end time belief that a unified and purified church is currently being restored through a “great awakening” that is manifesting itself through these “signs and wonders.” Howard-Browne, like the other leaders of the Third Wave, believe that they are raising a great end time army that will take control of the world through spiritual warfare, and triumph over Satan before the millennial reign of Jesus. Many in the movement, such as C. Peter Wagner believe that the Apostolic age began in 2001. John Bevere, author of curriculum for the Master’s Commission of Wasilla Assembly of God, believes that he is teaching the final generation before the Millennial which he calculates will begin in 2028 or 2029.

Rodney Howard-Browne and his family moved from South Africa to the United States in 1987, and settled in the Lakeland/Tampa area after having a successful revival at the church of Karl Strader, Lakeland’s first Assemblies of God, Karl is father of Stephen Strader of Ignited Church and the current Lakeland Revival fame. Howard-Browne and his wife continued to lead revivals around the world and often worked closely with the late John Wimber of the Vineyard movement and the the Kansas City Prophets. They introduced hyper-charismatic activities in widely publicized revivals in both the United States and Great Britain including the Toronto Airport Blessing which began in 1994, and drew people worldwide to experience the phenomenon. Howard-Brown is also credited with a role in the Brownsville Revival, 1995, and more recently, the 2008 Lakeland Healing Revival with Todd Bentley.

Additionally Howard-Browne has been instrumental in the introduction of these “signs and wonders” all over the world including Brompton Holy Trinity, a high-profile charismatic Anglican church in May, 1994. The resulting Holy Laughter and other unusual manifestations at this prominent church and others in London shocked the British press and was the biggest story covered by British Christian media in 1995 and 1996. Brompton Holy Trinity is now primarily known as the source of the ALPHA course.

.::Read the rest of this article (p. 2) at -> alternet

Palin + Clinton = Hilarious

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBFk9XC3YLs[/youtube]
Saturday Night Live last night brought back Tina Fey to play Sarah Palin in the opening sketch – due to her kind-of frightening resemblance to the governor who’s unsure of what the Bush Doctrine is [does it depend on the definition of 'is' is or something Sarah? c'mon...].

Even if you’re not a fan of SNL [which I'm not, really], there are some pretty priceless quotes:

Clinton: I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy…
Palin: And I can see Russia from my house!
Cliton: I believe global warming is caused by man…
Palin: And I believe it’s just God hugging us closer!

But the best one had to be :

Clinton: I’m sorry, I need to say something. I didn’t want a woman to be president – I wanted to be president, and I just happen to be a woman.

.:SNL Skit -> via NBC

How to Beat a Girl…

image4419247.jpg
…at a debate.|

Dear Sen. Biden:

You have a problem. In less than a month, you will face off against Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin in a vice-presidential debate in St. Louis, and were you anyone but Joe Biden, it would likely be a rout. Last week, Palin proved herself a charming, confident, and gifted reader of speeches. But that doesn’t change the fact that two years ago she was the mayor of a town of 6,000, crusading against dirty books at the local library. You are a six-term senator and chairman of the Senate foreign relations committee. World leaders routinely friend you, unbidden, on Facebook (“Wait … Is this the Angela Merkel?”). World leaders had never heard of Gov. Palin until last Friday.

That’s your problem, Joe. Everyone expects you to win the debate, and to trounce her on the substance. But the rules for debating Gov. Palin are different. If you lecture her, you’ll be seen as a sexist bully. If you act too smart, you’ll be seen as a sexist bully. If you condescend to her, you’ll be seen as a sexist bully. So this longtime parliamentary debater (and longer-time female) is going to humbly offer you a few tips on how to debate a girl.

.::Via -> Slate

McBush

So, while this entire Daily Show clip is pretty hilarious [obviously], around the 4 min 30 sec mark there’s a direct comparison between McCain’s acceptance speech and G Dubya’s – ridiculous. Maybe the Republicans should hire new speech writers? Just a thought.

Plus, that was a shitload of balloons, my people.

.:via The Daily Show ->

According to the Plan

mccain_clinton.jpg

In the dead of night in a small hideaway office in the deserted Capitol, a clandestine meeting takes place between two senators with one goal.

They grin at each other as they lift their celebratory shots of brutally cold Stolichnaya.

“Our toast to The One,” they say in unison, “is that he’s toast.”

“Obama should have picked you, Hillary,” John McCain tells her. “It isn’t fair, my friend. But it just makes it easier for me to whup him.”

“Don’t worry, John, I’ve put it behind me,” Hillary replies. “I’m looking toward the future now, a future that looks very bright, once we send Twig Legs back to the back bench.”

They chortle with delight.

cartoon20080309.gif

.::Read the full Op-Ed, by Maureen Dowd -> Two Against The One

Brave New World Order

george_w_bush.jpg

So aparently Dubya was read a passage from [which is hilarious - he never read this $hit himself?] Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, and ‘learned a lesson’ from the book – which was to ban further stem cell research.

What?

First and foremost – this ninja here really thinks we believe that he took anything away from Brave New World, other than some racy talk of promiscuous women and ‘savages’? My ninjas, PLEASE.

In a new [PMNP: as of Dec. 2007] piece in Commentary magazine, Jay Lefkowitz — who advised Bush on stem cells — reveals how the President formulated his 2001 policy. While Bush heard from a variety of groups on both sides of the issue, the turning point appeared to come when Lefkowitz read from Aldous Huxley’s fictional novel, Brave New World, and scared Bush:

A few days later, I brought into the Oval Office my copy of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley’s 1932 anti-utopian novel, and as I read passages aloud imagining a future in which humans would be bred in hatcheries, a chill came over the room.

“We’re tinkering with the boundaries of life here,” Bush said when I finished. “We’re on the edge of a cliff. And if we take a step off the cliff, there’s no going back. Perhaps we should only take one step at a time.”

[FYI to Lefkowitz: anti-utopian novel = dystopian]

Seriously though – thanks for using this piece of literature to justify something that has nothing to do with the novel. Stem cells and Brave New World? This research isn’t about making test-tube babies, my ninjas – and even if it is in some cases, we can legislate against that specifically by addressing the problems we’ll undoubtedly be facing soon enough with designer babies, genetic engineering, etc. Not to mention that Bush and his administration have probably helped bring us closer to the real issues that Huxley was getting at – like an increasingly powerful government using technology to oppress/control it’s people, and the effects of excessive consumerism [I mean, $hit - they worship Henry Ford in the book] on a society. Using this as an example for your position against stem cell research is like citing Frankenstein while condemning the use of prosthetics.

And I just had to toss this in here, my favorite comment from the ‘Think Progress’ article:

Apparently no one has taken a copy of “1984″ into the oval office.

- G

Sure they did ‘G’ – Bush + Cheney just thought Orwell had written a ‘How To’.
::original article from Think Progress, via The New Republic:

[[brought to you by your friendly neighborhood orangemenace]]

Dallas Police Score Big

image-of-cocaine.jpg

An undercover police agent in Dallas, Texas probably shit his pants today after he found some 50 lbs. of cocaine hidden in hydraulic compartments of a 2004 Infinity coupe they seized two months ago. The po-lice have been using the car in undercover operations since.

Ninjas hope to find the ’99 Honda seized at the same time and sold at auction before the police do.

What A Guy …

This is the new John McCain commercial set to air on national television:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpyOSLZw8qo[/youtube]

There is one line in there that’s more nauseating than most. Something like, “In a dangerous world with a broken economy,” … what? John McCain will make it more dangerous and put us further in debt? Two days ago, John McCain said that he would balance the national budget in his first term, should he be elected. This ninja here wants to know how he plans to do that. But that’s one of McCain’s secrets. In the past, candidates have offered some numbers to support their claims. But McCain’s got that one covered: if you don’t give any numbers, there’s no way people can do the calculations to shoot you down. Genius. Considering his plans to potentially lower taxes and maintain our current foreign policy that would leave him with only two more miracles before he would be canonized, right?

As far as the world being more dangerous … my ninja, please. I’m not sure I can get a ninja to tell me that this place is any more insecure (security-wise) than it was 12 years ago. Don’t buy it, folks.

Bananas!

Did you ever wonder how Luke’s mechanical arm actually worked?

lukehand.jpg

The University of Pittsburgh School of Medecin’s resident ninja, Dr. Andrew Schwartz, is furhter down the path than anyone. In a few decades, imagine the shit ninjas will have figured out.
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=jOkpn0BN2HE[/youtube]

[Note: The dojo ninjas feel bad for the monkey. I’m sure this wasn’t a voluntary procedure … but it’s pretty incredible. Ninjas for Animal Rights, please vent]

John McCain Knows Iran…

NOT!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr6Va7PEBg8[/youtube]

McCain criticizes Obama on being willing to talk to Iran’s leaders and in doing so may got some basic facts wrong.

Ayatollah Khomeni is considered the Supreme Leader of the secular state, and McCain knows that most Americans don’t know that or basic history of Iran.

McCain just keeps offering samples of his ineptitude. Isn’t it really sad that this guy is supported by millions of Americans? Millions , ninjas, millions.

This ninja is considering repatriating.

McCain: 100% Full of $hit

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEtZlR3zp4c[/youtube]

Wow senator…I’m so glad that you’ve brought us the ‘straight talk express’.

I realize that we see the media in these clips calling BS on specific issues at any given moment – but why aren’t montages like this just being blatantly played on the fake news [fake news = FOX, CNN, MSNBC, etc]? The man is wholly unfit to be our president.