How to Beat a Girl…

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…at a debate.|

Dear Sen. Biden:

You have a problem. In less than a month, you will face off against Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin in a vice-presidential debate in St. Louis, and were you anyone but Joe Biden, it would likely be a rout. Last week, Palin proved herself a charming, confident, and gifted reader of speeches. But that doesn’t change the fact that two years ago she was the mayor of a town of 6,000, crusading against dirty books at the local library. You are a six-term senator and chairman of the Senate foreign relations committee. World leaders routinely friend you, unbidden, on Facebook (“Wait … Is this the Angela Merkel?”). World leaders had never heard of Gov. Palin until last Friday.

That’s your problem, Joe. Everyone expects you to win the debate, and to trounce her on the substance. But the rules for debating Gov. Palin are different. If you lecture her, you’ll be seen as a sexist bully. If you act too smart, you’ll be seen as a sexist bully. If you condescend to her, you’ll be seen as a sexist bully. So this longtime parliamentary debater (and longer-time female) is going to humbly offer you a few tips on how to debate a girl.

.::Via -> Slate

McBush

So, while this entire Daily Show clip is pretty hilarious [obviously], around the 4 min 30 sec mark there’s a direct comparison between McCain’s acceptance speech and G Dubya’s – ridiculous. Maybe the Republicans should hire new speech writers? Just a thought.

Plus, that was a shitload of balloons, my people.

.:via The Daily Show ->

Jesus was a Community Organizer

Jesus was a community organizer – Pontius Pilate was a governor! – an alternative (to ours) viewpoint

The following excerpt was written by Jim Wallis

Wednesday morning, I got an e-mail from a former member of our Sojourners Community. His name is Perry Perkins and he is now a community organizer in Louisiana with affiliates of the Industrial Areas Foundation (IAF). “Perk,” as we used to call him, reported on the enormous consequences of 2 million people being evacuated because of Hurricane Gustav, much of the state now being without power, how hard cities like Baton Rouge were hit, the tens of thousands of people in shelters and churches, and the continuing problems caused by heavy rains and flooding. Then he talked about how their community organizers were responding to it all of this; responding to hundreds of service calls, assisting local officials in evacuation plans, aiding evacuees without transportation, coordinating shelters and opening new ones, providing food, essential services, and financial aid to those in most need. Since Katrina, Perry’s Louisiana Interfaith organizations have played a lead role in securing millions of dollars to help thousands of families return to New Orleans and rebuild their homes and their lives.

Then Wednesday night, I heard Republican Vice-Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, say that her experience as “a small town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities.” The convention crowd in St. Paul thought that was very funny. But it wasn’t. It was actually quite insulting to the army of community organizers who work in the most challenging places across the country and have such a tremendous impact on the every day lives of millions of people. I guess Sarah Palin and her fellow Republican delegates don’t know much about that. The “actual responsibilities” of community organizers literally provide the practical support, collective strength, and hope for a better future that low-income families need to survive,

Community organizers are now most focused in the faith community, working with tens of thousands of pastors and laypeople in thousands of congregations around the country. Faith-based organizing is the critical factor in many low-income communities in the country’s poorest urban and rural areas, and church leaders are often the biggest supporters of community organizers. And many of them felt deeply offended by Sarah Palin. Here are a few of their responses:

.::Read the responses at -> Huffington Post

This situation is a great example of the right proclaiming a position that is blatantly ignorant and then trying to explain it away through saying so-called “liberals” are outraged for no reason. It’s obvious to me that the talking point for the night’s speeches, “community organizer,” was similar in its application to “flip flopper” as describing John Kerry. The only problem is that in this case it doesn’t work because it’s blatantly stupid. There are community organizers on both sides, including those ones that boycott soldiers’ funerals (cough evanrepubligelicals) and abortion clinics – to name a few in a narrow scope – and now they’re all offended.

If the Republicans really want to win this election they have a long way to go now in convincing people that they aren’t the party of the rich and that they have some limited grasp on reality. My friend from The Murder, Roach, told me that increasingly the Democrats are becoming (or have become) the party of the rich. I told him that 80 million some odd evangelicals in the Republican party was sincerely helping the cause (there are roughly as many voting evangelicals in the country as there are black people, man woman and child). Anyway, send her back to the ice. Alaska?? That doesn’t even TOUCH the rest of the US. That’s basically Canada.

According to the Plan

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In the dead of night in a small hideaway office in the deserted Capitol, a clandestine meeting takes place between two senators with one goal.

They grin at each other as they lift their celebratory shots of brutally cold Stolichnaya.

“Our toast to The One,” they say in unison, “is that he’s toast.”

“Obama should have picked you, Hillary,” John McCain tells her. “It isn’t fair, my friend. But it just makes it easier for me to whup him.”

“Don’t worry, John, I’ve put it behind me,” Hillary replies. “I’m looking toward the future now, a future that looks very bright, once we send Twig Legs back to the back bench.”

They chortle with delight.

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.::Read the full Op-Ed, by Maureen Dowd -> Two Against The One

Ciroc Obama

Puffy alleges that there are no black people in Alaska, amongst other true nonsense.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thmueS0ngAs[/youtube]

mnp warlord (12:09:04 PM): she’s a nice lady… but you shoulda picked michelle obama as yo’ running mate
guru jen (12:09:11 PM): laughing
mnp warlord (12:09:17 PM): “that is completely irresponsible”
guru jen (12:09:20 PM): laughing
mnp warlord (12:09:26 PM): hahaha
mnp warlord (12:09:32 PM): i don’t believe it gets funnier
mnp warlord (12:09:52 PM): Ciroc Obama… wow
guru jen (12:10:10 PM): laughing
mnp warlord (12:10:42 PM): what is he sitting on top of that spins like that?
mnp warlord (12:10:48 PM): and how can he concentrate
guru jen (12:10:55 PM): i know
guru jen (12:11:03 PM): it’s a mini merry go round thing
guru jen (12:11:09 PM): on some ghetto ass playground
mnp warlord (12:11:14 PM): hahaha
guru jen (12:11:17 PM): it is like symbolic of like american politics

Special thanks to Lucy for this one.

.::Via -> PerezHilton

Al Qaeda Claims Cucumbers Un-Ladylike

Besides the terrible killings inflicted by the fanatics on those who refuse to pledge allegiance to them, Al-Qa’eda has lost credibility for enforcing a series of rules imposing their way of thought on the most mundane aspects of everyday life.

They include a ban on women buying suggestively-shaped vegetables, according to one tribal leader in the western province of Anbar.

Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: “They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram.

.::Read the rest at –> telegraph.co.uk

I kinda feel them, though. I mean… I’ve seen a few of the wrong girls pick up a few of the wrong vegetables and thought about implementing my own fundamentalist beliefs. Seriously though, I’m not sure how to take this report. If it’s serious then it ranks among the top ten goofiest reasons why the global Jihad will fail. If it’s not serious… then it’s in extremely poor taste… and puts a whole new spin on gazpacho.

Missing Americans

We’re out there. Walking among you. All around the world. We look just like anyone else. But we’re the lucky ones. We’ve got the golden tickets. Come November, we get to vote for president of the United States.


Ruby Wax: Lost American, found in London

An estimated six million Americans live overseas. We’re teachers and aid workers; bankers and businesspeople; students, soldiers and CEOs. We’re George Clooney on the shores of Lake Como and Ruby Wax on the streets of Notting Hill.

But here’s the catch. It’s kind of complicated to vote from abroad…

.::Read the rest at –> telegraph.co.uk

We’re getting close to that time ninjas. We know you ninjas abroad read our blog, study up!

Brave New World Order

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So aparently Dubya was read a passage from [which is hilarious - he never read this $hit himself?] Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, and ‘learned a lesson’ from the book – which was to ban further stem cell research.

What?

First and foremost – this ninja here really thinks we believe that he took anything away from Brave New World, other than some racy talk of promiscuous women and ‘savages’? My ninjas, PLEASE.

In a new [PMNP: as of Dec. 2007] piece in Commentary magazine, Jay Lefkowitz — who advised Bush on stem cells — reveals how the President formulated his 2001 policy. While Bush heard from a variety of groups on both sides of the issue, the turning point appeared to come when Lefkowitz read from Aldous Huxley’s fictional novel, Brave New World, and scared Bush:

A few days later, I brought into the Oval Office my copy of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley’s 1932 anti-utopian novel, and as I read passages aloud imagining a future in which humans would be bred in hatcheries, a chill came over the room.

“We’re tinkering with the boundaries of life here,” Bush said when I finished. “We’re on the edge of a cliff. And if we take a step off the cliff, there’s no going back. Perhaps we should only take one step at a time.”

[FYI to Lefkowitz: anti-utopian novel = dystopian]

Seriously though – thanks for using this piece of literature to justify something that has nothing to do with the novel. Stem cells and Brave New World? This research isn’t about making test-tube babies, my ninjas – and even if it is in some cases, we can legislate against that specifically by addressing the problems we’ll undoubtedly be facing soon enough with designer babies, genetic engineering, etc. Not to mention that Bush and his administration have probably helped bring us closer to the real issues that Huxley was getting at – like an increasingly powerful government using technology to oppress/control it’s people, and the effects of excessive consumerism [I mean, $hit - they worship Henry Ford in the book] on a society. Using this as an example for your position against stem cell research is like citing Frankenstein while condemning the use of prosthetics.

And I just had to toss this in here, my favorite comment from the ‘Think Progress’ article:

Apparently no one has taken a copy of “1984″ into the oval office.

- G

Sure they did ‘G’ – Bush + Cheney just thought Orwell had written a ‘How To’.
::original article from Think Progress, via The New Republic:

[[brought to you by your friendly neighborhood orangemenace]]

Dallas Police Score Big

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An undercover police agent in Dallas, Texas probably shit his pants today after he found some 50 lbs. of cocaine hidden in hydraulic compartments of a 2004 Infinity coupe they seized two months ago. The po-lice have been using the car in undercover operations since.

Ninjas hope to find the ’99 Honda seized at the same time and sold at auction before the police do.

DNC Hits McCain

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eejYoz3Nl0[/youtube]

It really is a great strategy to hit John McCain on the one issue that he is supposed to have the most credability on: foreign policy. They really need to keep throwing shurikens right at that artery to make people realize that though McCain served in the Navy for many years, and though he was a POW, he has never commanded any military operation or personel nor has he proven to be wise in this area.